flippantbebe's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- hope is that sincere wish for things to get better. i'm really out of it. i'm so damn paranoid. why do i feel so hated? i haven't really done anything wrong to anyone. maybe i thought about it. but beyond that i feel like i'm so fucking guilty. i know i'm being irrational. i should just let it go and just move on. but i still feel kind off guilty. it's a little off putting really. why do i feel so terrible? i hate feeling like this for no reason. it's really affecting me and how i deal with people i'm scared to really talk to people and when i do talk to them... and not avoid them... i'm pleasantly surprised that they still want to talk to me. it's weird really. i hate being paranoid. i hate feeling not lovable at all. but that's how i feel. i feel ugly, repulsive, disguisting, cruel, ignorant, selfish, arrogant, and so on and so forth. but mostly vile-- physically and internally. i wish i could fix this feeling but i can't... i want to soo fucking much. but oh well right? eileen 11:57 pm - 01.24.07 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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