i'm so excited... but i don't want to fuck it up:

i have low self-esteem.. and when we had plans on wednesday.. he never called... (he forgot) and so i decided to "fuck it." and drank... a lot... my first time ever being drunk.

and that day .. and the before of that day.. i kept on thinking 'he's not gonna call' over and over... saying out loud the whys: like he never meant it, i'm too ugly for him, he has better things to do, i'm forgettable.... etc.

but i've done that too.. forget people that i should remember.. and not just because of my obligations to them.

so i forgave him because it was his first offense and he never really gave a good reason for me to hate him besides his wandering eye (when he talks to me looks around... as if he was searching for somewhere else to be or finding something of interest to him) but maybe that's just how he talks... and besides it's a pet peeve i have on everybody who does that.

and tom and brian live with him.

tom the guy i told i have crush on ... which mic knows

and brian i soo wanna tell .. because he's just that cute.

and i really wanna watch it with tom... (i did ask him before mic...) ... and i just wanna see brian lol.

i really hope i get to seem them all sunday night.

i can't fukn wait!

i just hope i have fun.. and i don't make a fool outta myself.

hmm... i wonder if i should tell him: 'i got drunk because of you!'

i think i'd wanna know if someone did that because of me.

but i don't think i'll tell him... at least not just yet.

eileen

4:14 am - 02.10.07

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next