flippantbebe's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Advice: Don't Put Anyone on the Spot. did you ever want to apologize to someone... find out something new about them that you didn't like at all.. and rethink whether or not to apologize? yup.. so have i. i know i shouldn't take back what i wanted to say for so long.. but shit... i feel so useless. i mean.. she hasn't really indicated that she wanted to apologize too... i don't even know if she knows that she did me wrong. but now.. god.. now.. i don't know. i mean... i know rox is very competitive.. but did she really had to use joia like that?!? joia was my friend first {i know i know.. so juvenile and first grade to use that phrase but her tactics are just so immature} and rox asked her in front of me no less... who she liked better and of course she went with rox... she did that twice to her. i could never do that to anyoone.. i hate that.. i despise that kind of practice.. putting someone on the spot like that... it's just so stupid and someone's feelings are bound to get hurt. why do people do that anyway? just to make themselves feel better? look better? gain confidence? put the other person down? make them feel like shit? and stupid? i mean.. what's the whole point to that?!?! it's just another fucking scheme to screw with other people's minds and fuck up relationships. i will never do that to someone... ultimatums like those are useless anyway.. they're just barriers and blockades that push other people away. rox even asked joia why she was being so "buddy buddy" with me.. like wtf!?!? she's my fucking friend and has been my friend.. yes we weren't exactly tight first semester but shit changes and i changed... i wanted to be alone last semester and i was.. and now i want to be more social so now i am!! the only reason we are such good friends now is because i was willing to let her into my life and be open with her. i was only ready now and i wasn't ready then.. then was an adjustment period.. then was an awkward stage... then was a time that i was slightly depressed and down.. then was a changing time, a transitional time and a time i don't fucking regret because it led me to where i am now.. and right now... life is so much less stressful without worrying about you roxanne... i mean the only stress i have right now is me antagonizing over you and work.. and at least with work i can deal with.. but you .. you are such a pain oh my god. rox even brought up with joia about why she would talk to me .. she thought that joia hated what i said... {well.. i don't mind that if they talked about me about that... i have said some inane things so it's justified} and joia agreed saying that i said some crazy ass shit but now she can make fun of me for it. like wtf!?!? why didn't rox tell me that joia didnt like what i say? i mean rox told me i was being obnoxious but dude... i needed more detail... i needed to know why and who and what and whatever.. and the worst part of it was that it was like their first "real" conversation... why did rox have to ruin it?!??! it's so dumb of her.. putting joia on the spot like that AGAIN .. it just pisses me off. i hate it when people talk about me behind my back... and i hate rox even more for doing that to me. bestfriend or former best friend i don't give a shit. why does it have to be a contest???? why is she even making out like it's a popularity pageant or something?!?! it's fucking useless and inane... i don't understand her at all. why am i bothering trying to be friends with her again? i mean .. i know i should apologize.. but god.. i don't know... whatever.. i think she knows i'm happier without her.. so much more... the only sad part about this new life is that i still feel a bit guilty.. but not that much... not enough to drive me crazy .. just enough i could live with it. but i have to make things right anyway... we're gonna live in the same suite anyway... so ... i think it'd be good for the four of us living there. i'm not gonna ask her about this... but i want to tell steph about this and ask her opinion... i probably shouldn't... but shit... i need knowledge from someone who knows me and rox well ... i almost wish that joia didn't told me about this .. but what can i do? i can't exactly erase that out of my mind... roxanne. you're a fucking idiot.. you have no idea how much this hurts me... it's bad enough that you make me feel bad but now you make joia feel bad? god.. you're such an awful person sometimes. and why the fuck do you have to include her anyway!??! i know that you and her used to be "close" back in the first semester but you have to realize that the both of you have nothing in common... the only thing you had in common were the gym, me, and that fys... and you ended one of them, stopped going to the other, and are about to lose me again. i can never understand why people drag others into their situations with others... i mean... i do tell people about what's going on ... but i just want their opinion.. and if they want... they can share their views on the person or whatnot ... but i don't ever want to make a problem worse by expanding it and shoving other people in it. i can't believe she did that... she practically asked joia to pick sides.. what a bitch. i'm glad this is privated. this is probably the most cruelest entry i ever written in here.. but god knows i can make it even worse. and if things progress down this way some more.. it will. eileen 5:09 am - 04.02.07 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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