flippantbebe's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- i may want to be around people... doesn't mean i trust them more now. sooo... i realized that i've been wanting to become more social. this bites. big time. i lovee being alone. it's so nice.. and now.. summer hits ... and i want to be around people... excluding fam. first off. the timing is so fucking off. this could be easily fixed by me getting out of the dorm more and going to parties.. but now... i don't have that. i don't even have a car.. or the proper driving skills.. to even visit people now. i suck. so now.. now i'm going to be antsy and lonely and all that terrible shit... i don't want that!! grr. i hate college. i used to be so wonderful alone. now this shit. goddamn. i guess it's good.. i'm progressing normally now.. i mean i don't have to be such a loner anymore. besides.. this is normal right? wanting to be around people...? and i'm getting social skills.. i'm starting to talk to people.. letting people into my life... opening up. i may say stupid things but i've never let myself be vulnerable... maybe prone to being ridiculed.. but not enough to let them cut deep... i've always been in my own world.. i'll freely admit that. i've built walls. boundaries.. i've even told people to never touch me... i hate it when certain people do. but i have let certain people in... to a degree... i don't know if i've ever fully let anyone in... ... i think anna is the closest... i think. she's sort of like me.. she doesn't reveal much about herself... i've only revealed like events and shit... not emotional details... at least sometimes i do. she doesn't reveal anything though... maybe that's why i don't tell her everything.. or that i want to? i don't know. i guess she's private. and i just don't trust her. fully. i trust her to a degree. i think i trust strangers more with my details than real friends. honestly. eileen 11:15 pm - 05.12.07 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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