flippantbebe's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- it's still on my mind So I started to tear up and cry a little bit just a few moments ago... and i was wondering why i suddenly did that. then i thought, "how stupid of me, there's a lot i worry and could cry about..." then i thought, "what was the last thing i thought to myself before i cried...?" "I hate being asian. that's what started the semi-water works. it's fine to for people to have high expectations for me but to be essentially born with them!?!? that's fucking crazy. i have earned them. i know i have and i'm proud that to know that people think so highly of me... but god, what does my skin color have to do with it? i don't like to disappoint people... and when i do... i get upset and so depressed... but to have the world think so highly on me based on appearances? i bound to crush them all... i'm worried that i won't be able to take it... that i won't be able to survive in the so-called real world... if one failed class could put me in such a slump then what about a fruitless job searches? rejection letters from grad. school? getting a ticket? there's so much more for me to worry about... like the scholarship... which im right now barely holding onto... i don't want to lose it... did i really deserve that F? god... it's been bothering me so much... i don't know how i'm going to face my parents... i hope i can retake... even better i want an explanation... a piece of mind... anything... i know it's the summer... i konw i can't really make up for it... i know it's useless ot sob about it ... but.... oh god... why an F????!??!?!? at least... i still have a B+ gpa... but god... i could have a much higher gpa.. i know i deserve it.... what is the responsible thing to do? what can i possibly do? i'm really at a loss... i just don't want to be a failure anymore... eileen 4:05 am - 05.24.07 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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