flippantbebe's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- i want you to mean what you say i want to avoid doing work. i want to avoid doing everything. i want to talk to ryan. i want to know that it's true that he does like me and it's not all just words and games to him. i want him to call me. right now. i want him to be talking to me right now rather than me typing out this blog. i want my work to be already done. i want to be a good student and not procrastinate... i want to not feel overwhelmed and feel like shit for not doing it. i want to know why i can't just do it early. i want to be liked. i want to be loved. i want to care about my grades more. i want to feel like less of a fake and feel good about myself. i want to find someone who actually will call me when they say they would. i want to be strong enough not to feel hurt when he doesn't call. i don't want to be attached to him so soon. i want him to like me. i want to be with him. just be beside him. not sure if i want a relationship with the guy, but i do know that right now i just want his arms around me. i want to be sleeping beside him. i don't want to be a fantasy game to him... he's always saying, "wouldn't it be nice if we could just sleep next to each other?" yes it would. please come over. i don't want to be desperate as i feel right now. i want to be independent and deal without him. i want to know why i feel so attached so quickly. i want to seperate myself from these stupid emotional things and just focus on my academics. i want to feel great about where i am academically. i want to be impressed with myself always. i want to do well next week at the ECA conference.. and this week for barrio. i want to do good. i just need to do something. start something. do my papers on time. not be a total ass about it. i can do this. i so can do this. maybe i can't try to get through to ryan cuz he's his own person... but i can handle my workload. if i just try to. hopefully, eileen 2:06 am - 04.13.09 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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